I fell in love with so many girls along the way. One or two of them said they loved me, but I scared all of them away.
But in 2013, a woman worked her way into my life, and wouldn't run away. She saw me. She saw my weakness, my flaws, my shortcomings; she saw my potential, and chose me. She chose me, and I was terrified. I was smitten the moment I saw her, but I hid it. No one had ever loved me back.
Not long after we started dating, a blizzard gave us both a day off, and I trudged 12 blocks through the sometimes hip-deep snow to spend a the day with her. During the hike I became anxious; fearing that I was once more going to chase this girl off, I was frantically telling myself I was going too far. "What are you doing?" I asked myself. "You hardly know her. This is all going too fast. You need to slow it down. You need to tell her that we should slow down. Make clear that you still want to be with her, but tell her it's moving too fast." Each step toward her I grew more anxious, knowing what I had to do.
But she opened the door and smiled at me, and every fear melted away. I knew I couldn't let this one go. No one ever made me feel this kind peace and confidence.
On the first of March, 2014, I married her. God supplied me with the woman I never realized I needed. The woman who will put up with me at my worst, but won't be satisfied until I am my best. The woman who will challenge me when I need it--and, oh boy, do I need it. She saw exactly who I was, and she chose me in spite of it. She saw my potential as my identity, and has only helped me to realize it. She has lifted me up, built me into a better, stronger, more responsible man. She loves me in ways I didn't even know were love. She loves me sacrificially and selflessly. And her voice and her smile are still a source of comfort to sooth all my deepest fears.
But I have not repaid her with the same kind of love. I have not helped her like she helped me. I have not worked for our life like she has. And if there is one thing I've learned, it's that love is more than a choice; love is more than sacrifice; love is work. Marriage is work; marriage is hard; and no one works harder than she does. Even when it hurts, she works. And I've never truly loved her well.
But I've never truly loved anyone else. Marriage is hard work, and I would never choose to work this hard with anyone else. I can't imagine this kind of toil or struggle with any of my past "loves." This toil is rewarded by my extraordinary Love, and my Love could never be replaced.
She is the first woman I loved, and she is the woman who loved me back.
